Looking Down, Moving Up
by Saringold
Summary: Perhaps Sai achieved the Hand of God after all. Crossposted on Ao3.


Fujiwara no Sai, once dubbed "The Saint of Net-Go," tapped his fingers against his lips, scrutinizing the game below. From his transcendental perch, he could clearly see his beloved student battling it out across the goban below, engaged in a heated match with Ko Yongha in the Hokuto Cup. Sai had sighed in disbelief at the two boys' childishness; Hikaru took any affront to Sai personally, leading to his beyond-normal aggressiveness toward the Korean player. And of course, Ko Yongha deciding to bait Hikaru with his opening remarks had just fanned the flames.

Sai brought a hand to his face, concealing a smile between his fingers. As ridiculous as it was, he couldn't help but feel a rush of pride at Hikaru's continued growth. He had been so worried about his precious student in the time after he had forgone the mortal world, dearly wishing that he could have visited Hikaru sooner, but he had been bidden to wait, and it seemed that it had turned out for the best.

Sai's gaze grew troubled as his mind reached back, back to the fateful time when he knew he had to leave Hikaru behind. As soon as his dear disciple had pointed out that move, the turning point that decided the match between himself and Touya Meijin, Sai felt it. The pride, glowing from within him and mirroring the shining face of his pupil, surrounding him with warmth. The understanding, the divine knowledge of the fact that he had been given 1,000 years of time to teach the game of Go to one Shindou Hikaru, who would likely continue to build such beautiful games hand-in-hand with his eternal rival, a rival handpicked by God for this purpose. And then… the sundering. The passage of the previously frozen sands of time, the settling of the hourglass that he, like all others, were bound to. All of this rushed through him in an instant, leaving him breathless and overcome as he tried to make sense of the sudden answer.

Over the next several days, he tried and failed to come to terms with his newfound remortality. At first, he had denied it; his wish had been to play the Hand of God, and he had not yet done so. So… why? But this was quickly replaced by an unhappy acceptance. Someone had decided that he had completed his earthly mission, it seemed, whether he liked and agreed with the verdict or not. Now… now all he wanted were games, games that would pass the time until his passing.

Hikaru didn't understand. The 14 year old (God, he had been, and still was, just a child…!) couldn't come to understand Sai's impending departure any better than the ghost himself. In fact, he flatly refused to even hear of it. Brushing Sai's worries aside and ignoring him, Hikaru was trying in his own way to prevent Sai from leaving the world. However, Sai knew all too well that denial was futile. He bowed his head. Now that he had accepted his mission complete, he found that more than missing the Go, he would miss Hikaru dearly. It was not unlike how he had so missed Torajiro after his untimely demise, but at least he had felt that Torajiro would be alright on his path upwards. For Hikaru, there was no such guarantee. Beneath these thoughts ran an undercurrent of selfish anguish that screamed and yelled and thrashed against the banks of his heart that demanded that he have more time with Hikaru, anything to not be lonely again. He hid his face with his fan, concealing the glistening tears from where the current had spilled over onto the shore.

After Sai had vanished from Hikaru's room, he had woken up to find himself in a place that could only be described as "beyond." He was laying atop the thickest, whitest clouds that he had ever seen, and above him, a clear blue sky seemed to stretch out forever. Around him, he could only see cloudtops, dotted here and there by mountains and the trees they supported. He hastened to rise, smoothing out his robes as he did so, and as he looked up, a path leading to a small yet ornate gazebo was awaiting him. As he made his way up the trail, he marveled at the feeling. His body felt light, his steps unburdened. Unlike when he was a ghost, he wasn't floating; instead, he was gliding, moving with a grace that would be impossible for a clumsy human body. As soon as he stepped foot inside the gazebo, however, his breath left him for the wind.

Sitting in seiza across a goban was Torajiro, his first partner. He was resting, waiting, with a smile etched on his gentle face. It was a look that Sai knew oh so well. He moved to open his fan, but decided against it and let his smile bloom in full. "Torajiro," he whispered, and just saying the name seemed to cement the spell.

His friend's eyes arced in happiness, joy overtaking his features as his smile grew wider. "Sai. You made it." He swept his arm across the goban. "We have much to catch up on, and I know that you have many questions to ask. I shall answer to the best of my ability. But first, shall we play a game?"

Sai nodded, blinking back happy tears, and took his place across from Torajiro. "Please," they said, and the game began.

"I resign," Torajiro sighed, smiling warmly at his former companion. "You still continue to improve, Sai."

Sai nodded gravely, hiding a smile behind his fan. "You have as well, Torajiro. I cannot remember the last time we played a match together that was so close."

Torajiro sighed slightly at that, and moved to clear away the board. "Yes, it has been a long time… but for now, I think it best to answer some of your questions."

"Oh! Yes, please," Sai said, a serious expression overtaking the previously joyous smile. "For the first… why am I here? I understand why I was sent to Hikaru; I was to teach him the ways of this game. But why was I called away; why was my purpose considered complete? I had not yet reached the Hand of God, after all…"

Torajiro allowed a gentle grin to grace his features, clearly having expected the question. "My dear friend, did you know that Go must be played with two people?"

Sai's brow furrowed in confusion. "Yes, of course."

Torajiro chuckled at his companion's consternation. "No, I don't think that you do. Much like Yin and Yang, dark and light, white and black, which create the balance of the universe, and our Go, there must be two, whether that be two equal players, or… a teacher and his student."

Sai gasped, eyes widening, and he clutched his fan in a fist of iron.

"You taught an uninterested young man how to build a universe atop a Goban, and in two years molded him into a shining star for the future of Go in Japan. You gave him the spark, and he provided you with the tools and motivation that you needed to teach him with. Over the course of your game, yours and his, you managed to execute a move so subtle, so calculated, so fragile, that it shattered the world of this boy, so full of potential and yet having no outlet for it."

"Not only that," Torajiro continued, "through him, many other young lives were changed forever. Touya Akira left behind a straight, lonely road for one riddled with twists and turns, that sometimes seemed to turn back on itself, but was made all the better for the friend and eternal rival that he shared it with. Through your game with Hikaru, you have inspired countless amateur players on 'NetGo' to hone their skills in hopes of meeting their inspiration, and one day, like all people before them, they will."

Torajiro grinned, and sunlight seemed to radiate from his smile. "As with all things, there are two Hands of God, neither of which can be achieved alone. There is the Right Hand, the one that will bring hope to an otherwise dire situation on the Goban, that will show the world a level of depth and understanding that can only be gleaned from a game with such a storied history, that will serve as the pinnacle of a player's very existence, that can only come about between two equally talented players who balance each other in a way that no other can hope to match. Such is the Right Hand."

Seeing Sai's expression slowly morph into one of understanding, Torajiro continued. "You have indeed achieved the Hand of God, Fujiwara no Sai. The Left Hand. It is a far more subtle and difficult path, but one that transcends time itself to come to fruition. It is indeed one that is no less difficult to play, but can be even more rewarding. It is the Hand between teacher and student, the time when the student surpasses the master in such a way that one can only be dumbstruck by their brilliance, and in doing so, both student and teacher are recorded forever in the annals of history."

Torajiro smiled tenderly, tactfully ignoring the tears freely flowing down Sai's cheeks and wetting the fan that vainly concealed his face. "As I said, you taught your student well, my master. You took an unknown, uninterested child and by his side, you shook the very foundation of the Japanese world of Go. It was a move so unexpected, yet so anticipated, that only God could have inspired it." His eyes softened. "And it was so."

Sai brought up his sleeve to wipe his eyes. He understood now. It all made a beautiful, gorgeous design, one that he couldn't see until he was looking down. Unlike his relationship with Torajiro, in which he had possessed the child and simply played through him, his bond with Hikaru far transcended that. They had played as teacher and student, together charting their challenging course through the world of Go. For the first time since becoming a ghost, a sense of complete calm and peace settled within him. He had indeed achieved the Hand of God alongside Shindou Hikaru, his legacy, his student, and most importantly, his best friend. He smiled widely, not bothering to conceal it, and simply basked in the newfound peace within his soul.

He did notice, however, that Torajiro suddenly looked troubled. "Is something wrong, my friend?" he asked. Torajiro sighed, and stood up from seiza.

"Your disciple is not taking your disappearance well," he said, gentle worry permeating his tone. "Follow me."

Sai also stood, worry starting to creep in and eat away at his previous calm. He followed Torajiro behind the gazebo to what seemed to be a large pond, complete with koi and well-kept floral arrangements. "Look," Torajiro beckoned, and with a wave of his arm, the pool's waters swirled to reveal an image of a distraught Hikaru, crying as he ran from monument to monument across Japan. Sai's soul ached, the loneliness and longing looking so out of place on Hikaru's face.

"Oh, Hikaru…" Sai whispered, his student's sadness drawing a longing pang from somewhere deep within his soul. Part of him was deeply upset at the thought of Hikaru skipping professional matches to mourn his memory, but another part of him felt strangely elated and honored about being so important to Hikaru. "Torajiro, is… is there anything that I can do for him?"

Torajiro shook his head. "This is what he needs now, Sai. He has relied on your company for over two years, and now it is time for him to make his own way forward in the world. It is time to watch him shoulder the past and bring himself forward into the future."

Sai felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he tore his gaze away from the vision in the pond. Torajiro smiled down at him. "Your arc is over, Sai. Now, it is time for Hikaru's arc in the story to begin, so that he can embark on his own road toward achieving the Hand of God. Separation is by far the hardest part," he said, and the two men looked at each other with warm understanding.

Sai turned back to the pond. "I understand," he whispered, resigned to his own powerlessness. "But I have faith that Hikaru will come to terms with my passing; he loves the game far too much to let it go."

Sai did not know how much time had passed as he sat beside the koi pond, watching Hikaru from afar. His heart ached for his student, but he understand that this was necessary for Hikaru to continue to grow as a person and as a player. His role was fulfilled, and so he had to leave; a child could not stay by their parent's side forever, just as a student could not remain with their teacher for all time. He clutched his fan in his lap, and hoped that Hikaru would come to understand. The sooner the better, too, because Sai yearned to see his disciple's prowess atop the goban again.

Fortunately, he didn't have long to wait. He felt, rather than saw, Hikaru's revelation that Sai would forever be with him through what connected them at the core: their beloved game of Go. No, Sai had influenced Hikaru's play to the point where the two were intertwined, master and student, unable to be separated from each other and in turn creating something entirely new and beautiful. The cathartic tears streaming down Hikaru's face were testament to their bond, proof that despite his emotional hardship, he would come through stronger than ever. That perseverance and determination, along with Hikaru's deep sense of compassion and kindness, were what Sai loved most about Hikaru, and it seemed that once again, Hikaru had overcome a necessary hurdle in life.

Sai smiled warmly. At first, Hikaru had played for the ghost's sake, if nothing else than to shut him up. Then, as he had learned the game, and his interest was awakened by one Touya Akira, he began playing for his own sake, even at Sai's detriment. But now… now Hikaru was playing for the both of them, both because he dearly loved the game and his eternal rivalry with Touya, and now to honor Sai's memory and ensure that he would be remembered in the world of Go. It made for a beautiful, perfect hand of Go, and Sai was beyond proud at how his initially unwilling disciple had indeed grown so much.

As the time passed in the world below, Sai simply watched, so happy to see how Hikaru, like a phoenix, had revived himself from the ashes and was soaring brightly toward his future. And as dragon and phoenix clashed above the goban, as Touya Akira and Hikaru battled it out with all they had, Sai could only sigh in wonder at just how far both had come in such a short time. He was interrupted from his reverie when Torajiro tapped him on the shoulder.

"Sai. Go to him tonight. He has overcome his troubles, and I think it would do him some good to see you one last time."

Sai's questioning expression quickly shifted to one of joy, and he nodded eagerly. "Yes, I will!" he exclaimed. After a short time had passed, Sai saw that it was finally night, and with knowledge that he did not know he possessed, he closed his eyes, slipped a pale hand into the water, and centered his thoughts on Hikaru.

After a moment, he was cognisant of being within a dreamscape, adorned with soft, gentle colors. It was a good place for their meeting. Shortly after, Hikaru himself appeared, glancing to and fro around the space. Sai held back a chuckle at the wide-eyed wonderment on his disciple's face, which froze in disbelief as Hikaru's gaze locked onto his.

As soon as his student got over his initial shock, a smile couldn't help but overtake Hikaru's face, wide and genuine. Sai smiled back, more than happy to see and be seen by his dear disciple. After a moment, Hikaru started talking to him, informing him of all that had happened since his departure. The unspoken words filled the space between them, and yet as much as Sai wanted to answer, he also knew that he could not. Not here and now. However, Hikaru didn't seem to mind, and he simply talked, just content to see Sai again.

"Sai…" Torajiro's voice cut through the layers of misty dream, and Sai looked toward the source. "It is time to return, Sai."

_No!_ Sai wanted to shout. _Not yet!_ And yet, he knew that he did not have a choice in the matter. He turned back to Hikaru, who had reached the same conclusion, and smiled. He would watch over this one forever, he promised himself. From out of his robe, he pulled out his favorite fan, his last companion from all of those centuries ago, and offered it to his dear disciple. He was passing the torch, as it were, and now, Hikaru would make his way through the world on his own, following his own winding road leading toward the Hand of God.

Hikaru looked at Sai then, his expression a mixture of thanks and regret, and with all the reverence such a boy could muster, took the handle of the fan and held it tight as the world was washed in white.

Sai tapped his fingers against his lips once more as Hikaru and Ko Yongha's match reached its final stages. Unfortunately, Hikaru would lose by a half moku, but Sai dearly hoped that his student would cherish the beautiful game that he had played. It was true that Hikaru had grown exponentially, but he was missing one last critical factor, one final piece of the puzzle. Perhaps even Hikaru himself had realized what it was, but it was a quality only gained by time: strength of will. Not only knowing that every move you played was your best option and not allowing even a glimmer of self-doubt to stay one's hand, but staying focused, playing with all of one's ability, and being able to instantly respond to whatever one's opponent threw. Such strength was a gift that only time could bestow, one honed through years of experience, and while it was undoubtedly easier for those who had been playing since their early years, Sai was sure that Hikaru would soon catch up.

"You are almost there, Hikaru," Sai whispered. "You lost today not because your skills are subpar or your passion is dimmed, but because you lack the experience and willpower that comes with time. However, your loss is not a bad thing. You played an exquisite game, and instead of being your end, this loss signifies a beautiful beginning. You will only grow from here." Sai chuckled to himself, relishing the idea of watching how far Hikaru would continue to go, and his laugh tapered off into a smile of pride at Hikaru's answer to Ko Yongha.

"To connect the distant past to the far future, hm?" Sai mused. "A most worthy reason indeed." He wished he could tell Hikaru how proud he was, how deeply he felt his student's failures and triumphs, but all he could do now was watch.

As the players filed out of the hall, on a whim, Sai reached his moon white hand into the viewing pool and concentrated on Hikaru. "Hikaru… Can you hear… my voice?" The pool rippled once, as if in response, but moments later the image disappeared, the surface glassy and serene.

"Wait," Sai called, but there was no change. Nothing he did could make the pond show Hikaru again. He sighed and pulled his hand away, as dry as it was when he had put it in. Behind him, there was the sound of someone suddenly clearing their throat and Sai turned and spun to look at the newcomer so fast that he almost went careening into the pool. Torajiro smothered a laugh.

"Sai, it is time for us to depart. This place is but a halfway point between the mortal realm and the realms of the gods, and it is time that you finish your ascension."

Sai blinked, taking in this new information, then nodded in understanding. Yes, Hikaru would be fine by himself, and he had earned his eternity. Following Torajiro, he stood up and walked beside his old friend as they made their way along a new golden trail, one leading high up into the bright heavens.

"Sai, my friend," Torajiro asked, "what do you believe to be the true Hand of God?"

Sai smiled, having somehow anticipated the question. "I believe… that the Hand of God is the path we all walk, teacher to student, rival to rival, as we strive to play the hands not yet played while honoring the games already enshrined. It is the past, and it is the future, and it is the eternal pursuit of perfection, a burden shared from one to the next by all who play, a game that spans all of time."

And as he said those words, walking farther up the path into the shining heavens, Sai gave a quiet smile, for he knew that Hikaru too was beginning to see that path, and walk it, and that this end was no more than a beginning. Hikaru was not yet the strongest, but he would be, and the two Hands of God, one clutched in each hand, would be his guides for the rest of his life.

Sai could wish his dear disciple no better future as he himself stepped into the shimmering clouds, his spirit finally crossing joyously into the care of the gods.


End file.
